Misconceptions: Stammering is caused by lack of confidence

Thank you so much for your kind words in my last post. I was not really sure anyone would be interested in reading a blog dedicated to stammering, but hey, this just goes to show that you can never underestimate the human ability to empathise.

I am starting a new series called MISCONCEPTIONS. I'll talk about various misconceptions people have about people who stammer, and share my experiences with said misconception. Today I will be focusing on lack of confidence.

I was reading this article by Allan Tyrer entitled Time To Talk, Stammering in The Work Place, and he spoke about this issue of people believing that stammering was caused by nervousness or lack of confidence.   He argues( based on published research), that structural and functional brain differences have been found in people who stammer, and that some cases involve genetic predisposition.

Genetic Predisposition. Saying that aloud feels me with such happiness. Let me put this into context. I come from a very large family. My dad had 5 siblings, 2 girls and 3 boys. My dad and 2 of his brothers stammered. I have 4 siblings, 3 of us stammer. I have so many cousins, and almost everyone of them stammers. Are children born into my family genetically predisposed to stammer? Or do we stammer because we are raised in households where there are people who stammer? Did we, as little children, look to our older family members who stammered as cool people, and tried to emulate their speech patterns? Will my son stammer? Even if he does, should I worry?

I am considered ( by friends and family), to be a very outgoing person. When I was in school, I always got into trouble for noise making. I just would not shut up. As a child, I did not think I was different or there was anything wrong with me. I had more important things to occupy my young mind, like reading Jane Eyre or Silas Manner, when I was 9. I also loved climbing trees. I remember falling from a guava tree one day, and thinking I was going to die, started begging God to forgive me. I was struggling to make my peace with God, and tried saying "I repent" over and over. Realising that my stammer was preventing me from saying it numerous times (I thought saying it many times would make God realise how serious I was about repentance), I stopped trying to formulate words and started talking to God in my mind. If only I could do that with humans.

All through my secondary and university years, I did not let my stammer stop me from raising my arm to answer questions, or ask for clarifications if I did not understand something. I also love an argument. There is no way I am going to let my stammer stop me from making a valid point if I have one. So, you see, I have plenty of confidence in me. I just am not able to say things normally sometimes. Oh don't get me wrong. I have my moments of doubt, as does everyone else. Unfortunately for me, and for many other people who stammer, stressful situations make our condition worse. I once had an interview for an editor job in Manchester. I did really well when I was interviewed face to face. The phone interview was another matter. Needless to say I did not get the job.

These days I do not apply to companies who mention phone interviews as part of their recruitment process. Chicken? Yes. That is going to change however, as I have come to the conclusion that a company that values my disability from the start, will be a good place for me to work. If they can look past my difficulties with speech fluency, then they are deserving of my skills.

I am also toying with the idea of joining Toastmasters. Hmm. I wonder how that will pan out. I know I can do public speaking.I just have to look at my dad to know I can. My dad was, and still is, a major inspiration to me. Six feet under or not. My dad was a member of parliament back home in Cameroon, and he did his fair share of speech making during his campaigning period. Sadly he died shortly after winning his second term.  So yes, watch this space, next thing you know, I will be giving interviews on the BBC about stammering. I'm sure that will shock even my closest friends.

What about you? Do you know of any misconceptions people have about people who stammer? Or about anything really.

In My Dreams

I dream alot.

Not the dreams of sleepy eyes and foggy brains

nor dreams of lottery wins and champagne days

I do not dream about being the first female president

nor do I dream about being a Downing street resident

I don't dream about having gifted children

who can build complex structures at ten

I do not dream about Louboutins and Jimmy Choos

though I would love to collect red soled shoes

I dream about simple things

I dream about being able to talk

talk without stoppages and disruptions

talk without fear of my emotions

talk regardless of my audience

talk without searching for alternative words

talk without you ending my sentences

talk without receiving pitiful looks

talk without being considered dumb

I dream about simple things

I dream about being able to talk

Hello, my name is Dibs, and I stammer.